Here is a clickbait-y headline for you: “The 15 most important announcements from the Apple Watch, iPhone 6 event.” Here are all the items from the article, and how not new they are.

 

Awesome Apple Thing Already Been Done By…
Bigger Phones! 4.7 and 5.5 inches! Moto X (2013) and Galaxy Note (2011)
Optical Image Stabilization! LG G2 (2013), and likely before that
Landscape Mode! Power button on the side! Practically every Samsung phone
NFC Payments! Secure element! Galaxy Nexus (2011) (although NFC on top makes more sense – call this a draw)
Watch “crown” wheel! iPod click wheel (2001)
Watch “communication button”! Nextel push-to-talk (mid-00’s)
You can long press the watch screen! Android 2.0, if not before that
Screen widgets! Custom keyboards! Android 1.0, Swiftkey/Swype (2011)
Here’s U2 to play at the end!

/sarcasm

These things are all kind of cool, but it is dumb to assume that Apple will “bowl over” its competition by, essentially, osmosis. All the things will soon be 5.15-inch metal-rimmed slabs. I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords.

Some highlights from the show:

  • Some Deer Tick fans popped up in front of us at the beginning of their set, affectionately referred to as Tick Heads. I have never seen someone’s mind constantly exploding from that close for that amount of time. They clearly could not contain their enthusiasm, and were escorted away before the end of the set.
  • The Vogue does not know how to make a Tom Collins (maybe just the one bartender). We stuck with whiskey coke after that, considering the band:
    https://rd.io/i/QWRkrDdiEso/
  • Craig Finn almost looks out of place at first but makes it clear that he is having just as much fun as you are, which makes the whole show pretty refreshing. Read more about it here (about halfway in, just past the part about bookshelves).
  • Hold Steady fans are generally unthreatening. Lots of plaid button-ups and thick-rimmed glasses. There were some d-bagsย in the front that were watching ESPN on their phone, literally less than 10 feet from the mics. Disappointing, but they weren’t jumping around and throwing elbows and screaming, so whatever.