Pennsylvania native Caity Weaver went on the Great Super Bowl Scavenger Hunt—and what transpired involved dark magic, hot dogs, and white devils.
Dear Ernesto (my NSA angel),
We haven’t chatted (directly) in a while. How are things? Last I heard, you had the director of the FBI complaining about encryption making his job harder. Have you guys found the abominable Snowden1 yet?
Anyways, I am writing you today about the NSA’s Foxboro branch. I did enjoy the #NFL shitting the bed in court last week over Ballghazi2, but this lends the internal power struggle some context. But what do I know, I am probably just a “butthurt Colts fan.”
Also, it is hilarious that even after all this comes to light, they are still jamming signals in opposing teams’ headsets. Did you guys give them the tip to use their own game broadcast? I bet your style is more classic-rock-Van-Halen-Not-Van-Haggar signal interference.
Take it sleazy,
Jeb Lund: Given its attitude toward women and racism, the health of its players and the economy, it’s a wonder we remain fans at all
If America has a secular religion, it is probably the National Football League, if only for the happening-on-Sunday thing and the ritual consumption of alcohol and breads….